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Will the Real Daphne Tremayne Please Stand Up!

Or

Why It’s Always Important To Read the Fine Print!

By George H. Monahan

 

The Story Behind Biodiesel: A Novel

A few years ago I became so frustrated with Al Gore’s rhetoric that I decided to do some research into the Environmentalist agenda. I wanted to know what exactly Al Gore and the Environmentalists meant by the term “Carbon Footprint” and how these things called “Carbon Credits” could reverse Global Warming. Something just didn’t seem right in all the alarmism. I recalled learning in school that carbon was an essential building block of all living organisms. Everything organic on Planet Earth—every living thing—is made of carbon. How, then, could this naturally occurring ingredient of life be a pollutant?

As I studied the problem, I came to realize that Al Gore and his cronies were running a money-making a scam! Their plan all along had been to convince people that atmospheric carbon, whether produced by automobiles, power plants, or simply from one’s household oil furnace, was the cause of Global Warming. Once people were convinced that our modern lifestyle was causing untold damage to the planet, Al and his pals hoped to offer a way for people to buy their way out guilt.

Their plan was to sell Carbon Credits to gullible people as a way of “offsetting” one’s carbon consumption (I explain this scam in a very funny way in Chapter 10 of Biodiesel: A Novel). Since a sizable minority of savvy people would never spend money on such a boondoggle, Al and Company had figured out a way to force us to pay, albeit indirectly. Their plan was to influence Congress to pass laws limiting how much carbon dioxide certain industries could release into the atmosphere. Once in place, a company exceeding its allowable carbon quota would be forced to compensate by purchasing Carbon Credits. The cost of these industrial-level Carbon Credits would then be passed on to consumers and we’d all be paying whether we liked it or not.

When I figured this scam out I wanted to pound my fist into the wall! It reminded me of those unscrupulous monks in the Middle Ages who sold indulgences to people who believed they could buy their way into heaven. This scam had to be exposed! I wanted to shout from the rooftops that we were being cheated! Surely, others must have figured this out. Why wasn’t this being reported in the news?

Well, we all know why! With the exception of a few Conservative pundits, the mainstream media is controlled by the Liberal establishment. The news outlets… Hollywood… the TV networks… all these groups are sympathetic to radical Environmentalism and support Al Gore’s Carbon Credit scheme. How then, I wondered, can I warn my fellow citizens about these scoundrels?

A web page! That’s the ticket! I’d put up a web page with all sorts of information debunking the Global Warming hoax. I’d post links to scientific reports. I’d put up charts, graphs, and statistical data. I’d even put up quotes from Al Gore and his minions revealing their fraudulent intentions! Surely, this would expose the lie. Once my web page went viral, Al Gore and his cronies would be driven from public life in shame!

 

Guess what…

 

Nobody cared. There were already web sites like mine and they were only visited by other right-wing nerds who hoped to get the goods on the Environmentalists. To be honest, my page wasn’t that good by comparison, but at least my mom liked it. Meanwhile, all the cool kids were going to see The Day After Tomorrow. “Whoa, Dude! Conservatives suck! Republicans suck! We need to save the planet before it’s too late!”

 

(Heavy sigh)

 

What do I do now? I wondered. I still wanted to expose Al Gore as a huckster, but nobody was interested in my charts and graphs. What would cause people to listen? What would make them notice? What is it people really want? Comedy! People want to laugh and have a good time! They want to be entertained! That’s when it dawned on me. I should write a comedic novel about Environmentalism that exposes the absurdity of the whole “Green Movement.” And so, I started writing Biodiesel: A Novel. After four years of intermittent writing, the book was finally published in April, 2012.

I have to say, I’m very proud of my book. I was able to write a devastatingly funny novel without resorting to foul language to tell the story. There is no gratuitous smut or violence in Biodiesel: A Novel and I can say without reservation that this is the kind of book you could give to your pastor or grandmother as a gift without shame. No doubt, once word got around, my book would shoot to the top of the best-seller list!

But, as with my nerdy web page with all the charts and graphs, most people just shrugged. Meanwhile, Fifty Shades of Grey was on the hype train towards becoming a monumental blockbuster. Something was wrong with this picture.

 

So just who is this ditzy blond named Daphne Tremayne?

Getting publicity for Biodiesel: A Novel has proven next to impossible. The mainstream media isn’t interested in promoting Conservative fiction, especially if it exposes the absurdity of Carbon Credits and Global Warming. Meanwhile, most Conservatives looked at the title and scoffed. “Biodiesel, huh? Must be written by some Environmentalist wacko…” I sent out press releases. I put up a nice, conservative looking web page. I emailed my Tea Party friends across the country. Nothing. I think my mother bought a book, but I’d already sent her a freebie anyway.

A few months ago, a former student of mine told me of how one of her very Liberal sociology professors once remarked that people should be required to buy Carbon Credits to offset the environmental damage caused by the simple act of having children. How utterly absurd, I thought. Here, in a nutshell was the Liberal mindset. The simple act of human existence, according to Liberals, is detrimental to the Planet. But this planted an idea in my head.

By now, I hope you've figured out that Daphne Tremayne is a major character in my book, Biodiesel: A Novel. Without revealing too much of the plot, she is the narcissistic, bubble-headed trophy-wife of Vincent Tremayne, founder of an “Eco-friendly” oil company intent on branching out into the Carbon Credit business.

As a way of publicizing my book, I decided to create a realistic web page for the fictitious company in my novel. I placed Daphne Tremayne in charge of Public Relations (just like in the book) and had her email people with suggestions about how to reduce their Carbon Footprint. Daphne, of course, is portrayed as an obnoxious Liberal, so her emails needed to be pushy and somewhat moronic. The object all along has been to steer people towards the GreenTremayne web site, where they could read of Daphne’s idiotic plan to save the Planet by selling Carbon Credits. I figured if I portrayed Daphne as just idiotic enough, people would immediately realize the satirical nature of the GreenTremayne web page and understand that it’s an advertisement for my book. To remove any doubt, I even put up a disclaimer in fine print that everything on the web page was satirical and that Daphne was a fictitious character.

A problem soon emerged. Daphne’s Liberal idiocy seemed all too real and very few people read the fine print. As hundreds of email responses came in, “Daphne” would respond with even more idiotic ideas about saving the Planet. I was sure people would soon catch on and word would get around that GreenTremayne.com was a satirical advertisement for a work of Conservative comedic fiction. I was sure that soon, everybody would be laughing. A few people did catch on, but not nearly as many as I had hoped.

And so, the time has come to reveal all. For the record: GreenTremayne does not exist. Daphne Tremayne does not exist. They are fiction. The GreenTremayne web site does not sell Carbon Credits nor Baby Credits. In fact, the GreenTremayne web site doesn’t even sell my book. There is, however, a link to Amazon.com where Biodiesel: A Novel can be purchased as a paperback or downloaded in Kindle format.

 

 

Although Daphne Tremayne is fictitious, here are a few genuine quotes for you to ponder:

“No matter if the science of global warming is all phony… climate change provides the greatest opportunity to bring about justice and equality in the world.”1

- Christine Stewart,
former Canadian Minister of the Environment

 

"We’ve got to ride this global warming issue. Even if the theory of global warming is wrong, we will be doing the right thing in terms of economic and environmental policy.”2

- Timothy Wirth,
President of the UN Foundation

 

"We need to get some broad based support, to capture the public’s imagination… So we have to offer up scary scenarios, make simplified, dramatic statements and make little mention of any doubts… Each of us has to decide what the right balance is between being effective and being honest.”3

- Prof. Stephen Schneider,
Stanford Professor of Climatology,
lead author of many IPCC report

 

"Adopting a central organizing principle... means embarking on an all-out effort to use every policy and program, every law and institution... to halt the destruction of the environment."4

- Al Gore,
from Earth in the Balance

 

And who can top this one?

 

"In searching for a new enemy to unite us, we came up with the idea that pollution, the threat of global warming, water shortages, famine and the like would fit the bill ... All these dangers are caused by human intervention and it is only through changed attitudes and behaviour that they can be overcome. The real enemy, then, is humanity itself."5

-Club of Rome,
First Global Revolution,
Consultants to the UN